Alternative relationship styles

Society tells us that long term monogamy is the best and only relationship style. 

I strongly believe that as a society we can benefit greatly from expanding how we do relationships.

That’s not to say there is anything wrong with monogamy, this is a very valid relationship style. However, even monogamous people could benefit from examining what monogamy really means to them. Let’s stop making assumptions about what is possible, what others want or don’t want, and let’s be more intentional about building relationships that work for the individuals in the relationship.

We are programmed to aspire to a very specific style of relating, and that way of being does not work for everyone.
Here are some others to consider.

MONOGAMISH

Couples who are usually monogamous but occasionally have one-off moments of sexual experiences outside the relationship such as a “hall pass” or an “only on vacation” type of rule.

SWINGING

Couples who participate in outside sexual experiences together such as group sex, swapping partners with another couple, threesomes, etc. 

FWB

Casual sexual relationships that are consistent and may include some emotional intimacy and other activities outside of sex, but are not monogamous and there is no expectation that they will eventually become monogamous.

OPEN RELATIONSHIP

A couple who are established in their primary relationship but engage in sexual relationships outside of each other. Outside relationships are usually only sexual and/or friendly and are not romantic in nature and are not prioritized above the primary relationship.

POLYFIDELITY

A group of 3 or more people who are in a closed relationship with each other.

POLYAMORY

People who engage in more than one committed, romantic relationship at a time. There are many different styles including:

Solo Polyamory- usually prefers to live alone and have few logistical entanglements with partners

Hierarchical Polyamory- people who categorize partners based on how much they’ll be investing in each partner. For example you may live with and share finances with a primary partner and see a tertiary partner once per month when you travel for work.

Non-Heirarchichal Polyamory- people who weigh all of their partners needs and desires as equally important. Attempts to give time, energy, resources etc. in an equitable way between all parties.

Kitchen-Table Polyamory- people who have at least met and at most are also in relationships with their partner’s partner’s. All partners within the “polycule” know each other and there is often a sense of community and mutual support.

Relationship Anarchy- the concept of allowing partnerships to take on various levels of intimacy and logistical commitment as they will naturally, without attempting to control or make rules around which partners are more of a priority than others or what types of connections one is intentionally attempting to engage in. More of a mindset than a style.

CHOSEN FAMILY & PLATONIC- 

People who value non-romantic relationships just as much as (or more than) romantic ones. People may decide to have children with their friends, buy a home, or have other commitment with platonic partners that people may not typically have in friendships. Many asexual people engage in these platonic relationships.

**A note on labels-

Sometimes labels feel restrictive, and other times they help us explore, feel seen, and communicate. Here are some labels for your perusal. These are not definitive. Many people who engage in alternative relationship styles use these words to mean different things, so stay curious. Always ask people to define their version of any of these relationship styles.