Differentiating Thoughts + Feelings

Just because you say

“I feel like”

in the beginning of the sentence doesn’t mean what follows will actually be a feeling.

We are not a particularly emotionally intelligent culture.

We focus on top-down logic, value “reasoning” and “rationalism” and dismiss emotions as distractions.

That’s why we often have so much trouble saying how we feel. The words are simply not in our vocabulary.

Are you feeling “fine,” or are you feeling peaceful, pensive, aware, sentimental, content, relaxed, trusting, or thoughtful?

So often I’ll hear people say, “I FEEL like you should care enough to do XYZ,” or “I FEEL like that’s just an excuse,” or “I FEEL like you’re being inconsiderate.”

Those are unclear thoughts disguised as feelings.

“I feel like you should care enough to do XYZ” might actually mean “I THINK you don’t care about me, and it makes me FEEL unloved.”

“I FEEL like that’s just an excuse” might actually mean “I don’t believe you have good intentions, and I FEEL unsafe.”

“I FEEL like you’re being inconsiderate” might mean “I think your priorities should be different, and I FEEL dismissed.”

We need to learn how to get clear on what we’re actually implying in the language we use, rather than reacting without consideration when we’re having a difficult conversation.

We need to be able to communicate our thoughts clearly AND our feelings underlying our thoughts. When we ignore them and pretend that we’re completely “rational” being we ignore the fact that our feeling color our experiences, perceptions, and viewpoints. There is no such thing as pure rationality in human communication. We are BOTH logical and emotional. Explore both.